What Would You Do: If God stood before you right now?

Five months ago, as I was unraveling the tangled ball of thread that is my belief, I came upon one thread that I knew was important. Not just important, but critical. As I worked through the knots of grey threading, I had suddenly pulled out a thick cord of scarlet red. One year earlier, I had pulled at a similar cord that, amidst the pieces of bad doctrine and lies I had been believing, revealed that I had a lot more to learn about Jesus. As I unraveled that thread in January 2018, I began to realize that SO much that I “knew” about Jesus had been taught to me by someone else. When you grow up in church, so much is poured into you…so many Bible stories, so many verses, so many real-life applications of what it all means. And thank goodness we do have good pastors and teachers out there who will educate people about this faith. But disturbingly, kids often get indoctrinated with so much information, without an equal amount of encouragement to actually approach God, try this out for themselves, or actively and passionately seek Him. They are often misled to primarily seek out information about their God from trusted people, rather than asking God Himself. I can tell you from personal experience that it is indeed possible to be able to recite entire chapters of the Bible from memory, know hundreds of Bible stories and their application to my life and other people’s lives, and have NO understanding of the nature of God…because I was too afraid of Him to approach and find out.

So, last year I put away all of my devotionals and Christian books. I decided that for a period of time, I wouldn’t listen to what people, pastors, or teachers had to say about Jesus. That turned out to be a huge step for me, and I believe is a necessary and hard one for anyone who has been spiritually abused or manipulated. I dedicated that period of time to reading only the Gospels, starting with Luke. I didn’t ask anyone for advice or insight, I only opened my Bible every day and asked Jesus to show me who He really was. What happened was life-changing. I’ll dedicate another whole chapter to that experience!

That time period awoke something in me, a small piece of authenticity. And guess what was born out of that authenticity?? This blog! Not long after I followed and began untangling that important thread, I felt compelled to begin writing my story. It was so cathartic and healing to me to face my trauma head-on like that. I wrote the story up until the point of us leaving that ministry, and that was when I came upon the most recent critical thread. That thread has lead me to this very chapter!

After the painful process (and quite frankly, hard and exhausting work!) of writing my story was over, I held in my hands the most tangled clump of belief yet….I had no idea who God was, really. If I was honest with myself, I knew VERY little about the Holy Spirit. I felt safe with Jesus now since I had spent months studying Him and experiencing His sheer kindness and personal friendship. But God…I had been avoiding Him out of fear my whole life. My theology was: “God is the Holy, Just, and Almighty One, who is disgusted with and hates sin…indeed with a righteous anger. So He sent Jesus to deal with you. You should cling to God because if you don’t, He could squash you like the bug you are. Good thing He loves you. He sent Jesus, and look what you did to Him, look what you do to Him every time you sin! Fall on your face and repent, beg His forgiveness and He will give it to you through Jesus.”

My goodness, how disordered my mind has been. I began to think about something my pastor used to say to threaten us into getting our hearts right. If God appeared in front of me right now, how would I feel? If I knew it was God, would I back away in terror, or fall on my face in unworthiness? Would I be horrified to know that my most inward thoughts could be seen by Him? I surprised myself in answering, “No. I have no doubt that if I knew it was God standing before me, looking me in the eye, I would leap with reckless abandonment into His arms. I would weep with unworthiness, for sure. I would be speechless with wonder at His holiness, absolutely. But I really don’t think I would cower or be afraid at all.”

Friends, do you understand what a HUGE DEAL this is for me? Merely four months ago, I came face to face with the fact that I believed God was very much like my abusive pastor, who would either bless you because of your obedience, or pour wrath and consequences on you because of your disobedience. If I now say that I would react with sheer joy and excitement if I saw Him face to face, wouldn’t you think something must have happened to change my mind?

Yesterday, I decided to ask several people (fellow Christians) the same question. “What would you do if God suddenly was standing right in front of you?”

Every single person except one reacted in utter fear at the thought. As soon as I asked it, a look of dread crossed their face. They said they would be terrified. I want to ask them and all of you this question…

How would God want us to feel if He surprised us with letting us actually see Him?

As you chew on that, let me tell you something. A couple of days ago, I was thinking about how far I have come in understanding who God is. You may say that we aren’t meant to understand Him, He is after all…God. But I think He is constantly trying to reveal His nature to us. With every painted sunrise and sunset, every time we lift our eyes on a sunny day and feel the warmth on our skin, every time we feel alive and thankful for all that is good…whether we realize it or not…that is HIM breathing into our hearts. It is our Creator calling us to remember Him, drawing us towards Himself and leading us to follow those stirrings of our heart. If we do, if we recognize that it is Him and we set our hearts on seeking Him…my goodness, how we will find Him!!!!!!

As I journaled about this the other day, I titled a page “Who are you *really*, God?” I immediately started making columns. I headed one with GOD and began listing his attributes under it. Grab a pen and paper and make your own! My list looked something like this.

•Righteous. Holy. Just. Creative. All powerful. Mighty warrior. Authority. Majestic. In control. Confident. Unthreatened. Infinite. Protective. Father.•     (feel free to add your own!)

Next, I wrote JESUS and wrote attributes in His column. No doubt He is the friendly one!

•Merciful. Healer. Personal. Friend. Teacher. Perfect Love. Generous. Humble. Meek. Servant. Compassionate. Companion.•

Lastly, I made the list about the Holy Spirit…His  attributes or “fruits” are clearly listed in Galatians 5, which I have memorized many times in my life.

•Loving. Joyful. Peaceful. Patient. Kind. Gentle. Good. Faithful. Self-Controlled. All-Knowing. Truth revealer. Convicting. Guide.•

So there I sat, looking at my lists when it hit me. The Trinity. God is The Trinity. The thing that was the greatest factor in my inability to know God as He really is, I believe, was that I was separating the Trinity into three separate people. I was a little weirded out by the Holy Spirit, felt safe with Jesus, and felt dirty around God. Anyone else? Anywhere?
It’s a tragedy and quite frankly, a stunning tactic of the enemy that entire religious denominations completely ignore teaching about entire aspects of The Trinity.

The Trinity is everything. If you were to have the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit in a room together and asked them which one is God, they would all raise their hands. It’s a staggering concept, for sure. But it also makes sense. If you take all of those separate lists and finally combine them, THERE you have God and who He is. Is He utterly Holy and to be worshiped reverently, absolutely! Should we be laying face down, understanding that He is the most powerful being, capable of reducing the galaxies to nothing if He wanted to? Yes! But He is also God the Son…and that means that despite all of the power He has, He actually took on our humanness, made Himself lower than the angels, and twisted everything on its head as He washed the feet of His followers. Jesus was fully man, AND fully God. That means that God Himself washed the feet of sinners. He not only washed their feet, but He came and offered HIMSELF as the atonement for the sin He despises so much!

How can it be??? How could a righteous and holy God do that? LOVE! He didn’t just send an entity entirely separate from Himself because He was too pious to touch sin. He sent a piece of Himself, Jesus, and did the dirtiest job Himself. The greatest sacrifice of all paved the way for His greatest work of art, LOVE, to draw people to Him. And that is my point. He has wanted us to come to Him, all this time.

It is incomplete to see God as only one part of The Trinity. He is Holy, yes. But He is also Loving and Wise. He is Joyful and Patient. He is Infinite and Personal. Once I began to see Him fully, I began to feel so safe with Him. This is how He can be All Powerful and a Servant…all at once.

He is the God of Creation, He made everything and said that it was good. He loves what He made! He’s still making new things for us to admire every day! If we ever fear things that we cannot control, we only must remember that He is the fiercest of Defenders, riding on the clouds to fight our battles with hosts of angel armies. Mountains bow before Him, every living thing grows skyward, as if it exists to reach to Him.

Many systems of religion focuses exclusively on the God of Creation…pounding relentlessly on the fact that we should live in fearful reverence of this powerful King. And that would be exclusively true if He wasn’t also the God of Salvation. Jesus is just as much God as well, God is God.

The God of Salvation took on the form of a servant and became the very sacrifice that would atone for the mess sin had made. He came down on our level and did not order that we fall and worship Him. God The Son became nothing and died in our place. He lifts our heads and offers Grace. Right before He died, Jesus, (God the Son) said “It is finished.” And as He spoke, as the song says…100 billion failures disappeared. He died in our place, and He did it once and for all.

He didn’t do that only because He demanded justice. He loved us. What kind of King would get down off of His throne and die for the accused? The King of Love. The Trinity.

The thread I was untangling suddenly came undone and is smooth now. Understanding God required nothing more than learning about His three aspects, and being willing to be wrong.

I believe the whole point of this story He has written was to draw us to Him. He gave us the Bible, not to condemn us, but to teach us about Him, fully. This whole time, He has been wanting me to come to Him. Many Kings would want their followers to fall before them in unworthiness. Not the King of Love. This is a King who stepped down from His throne and offered Himself to die as our pardon. Because He loved us.

So back to my original question. What would God want us to do if He finally appeared to us, as all that He is, The Trinity, in all of His glory? As I know Him now, I believe He would want us to run to Him. I believe He wants us to be so completely convinced of His goodness that we seek to not only be close to Him, but to be one with Him. Was that not the plan all along? If He was only ⅓ of The Trinity, then it would make sense that His desire would be that we know our place, that we revere and worship Him with our heads bowed and our eyes downcast. But no. I believe The Mighty Lord of Hosts is our Savior as much as He is a fierce warrior. So much Scripture urges us to seek Him. The heart of Jesus was that we would all be one…that we would be hidden in Christ, and one with the Father, just as He was one with God the Father.

Does He deserve and delight in our humble worship? Absolutely! I think it brings Him so much joy to see His children worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. But if He were to appear in front of us suddenly, as His Spirit did numerous times throughout Scripture, I believe He would say what He said all of those times…”Do not fear.” Over and over, He asks us to seek Him, ask Him the hard questions, and knock on His door. And best of all, He promises is that if we do, we will find him, find answers and be invited in to where He is. Why would a King who wants us to know our place as His subjects, invite us to come to Him boldly? To ask whatever we want? He wants us to.

Yes, it’s healthy to remember who and where we would be without Him…but the fact is, if we are His children, then we aren’t without Him and we never will be again. I refuse to let myself feel afraid of what would happen to me without God…because He will never leave me or forsake me! So I say, yes…know your place. And friends, your place is that you are not slaves! If you are in Christ, then you’ve been adopted as sons and daughters of God Almighty. The God who is 3 in 1. He is All Powerful AND Long-Suffering. He is Angry about sin, and Loving to the point that He died in our place to demolish that very sin. He is Holy, deserving of our praise, while at the same time being the meekest of servants who wants to have friendship with us.

Now that I have learned more about The Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit, I long even more to be with Him. I live in reverence and service to Him, all while He takes me in His arms and pulls me closer, closer, and closer. I can’t get enough of Him. I think that very relationship is what He wanted all along. I’ve just been afraid to approach Him all this time. You may say that my message will only encourage people to act however they want, since He loves them and offers infinite grace for their sin. I believe it’s healthy to feel like you could do anything, and His grace would be sufficient for you. Does that mean you should just sin away?! As Paul said, God forbid! No one who truly tastes the grace of God would use it flippantly!

Think of God’s grace as the safety net beneath a tightrope walker. Does the acrobat wish to fall? Since he has a net beneath him, does he act recklessly, falling on purpose? No. But it does enable him to move with ease and without fear. He never intends to fall on purpose, but in his freedom and ease, he knows that he may make a mistake, but what a comfort that it will not be deadly because of that net! So, I worship my God for the grace He gave me that I don’t deserve one drop of. From the garden of Eden until now, He has written the greatest story ever told, every part designed that culminates in a work of art called LOVE.

So, if you feel like you would react in fear if God appeared to you right at this very moment, I ask that you seek Him right now. Ask Him to reveal all of Himself to you. Study The Trinity and get to know all of Him.

People have used the tactic on me all of my life that would twist what I am saying to you right now. My pastor would preach, “How would you feel right now if God was right here? If you would be afraid or ashamed, that means you have something you need to get right. Because He could come at any moment! We all need to live in such a way that we’d be ready to face Him with a clear conscience. If you can’t, fix it.” Can you see how that inspires even more fear of approaching God?!?!

That is the message I’ve heard my whole life. That if I have sin, I need to do something about it. Because God can’t stand me with that sin. But the only way to become clean is to run to Him! If you are ashamed or feel dirty, then staying face  down on the floor will not help! The only thing we must do is come to Him. If you are afraid of Him, you cannot be close to Him. He wants to teach you, change you, love on you, and in order for Him to do that, we need to be able to come close to Him.

Seek Him. The more you find, the more you’ll want to keep seeking.

He is the Father who requires justice. He is the Son who gave His own life for that justice. And He is the Spirit that dwells in our very hearts.

Come to Him.